iamthecolourgrayandineedanothercigarette.
It is a Saturday of the frostiest summer sort, the sky a metallic shade of cold. Fall is in the air, and I am thankful. This is a season I feel I can identify with...slip back into like an old, worn coat that is haggard at the elbows but oh so loved. Winding home on my bicycle the other night, through deserted streets, I breathed in and out and over again, and felt more alive than I have in a long, long time. Autumn grazed my lips, snaked its way down my throat and seeped through my innards, flooding me with a sense of vitality. Cool air against bare skin was welcome and like a wave of relief over my entire body.
I am ready for this summer to be over. It has been a challenging one, rough around the edges and drenched in sadness. It has also been an extraordinary teacher, though...the strangest and surliest of my life as of yet, dripping in intricacy. In many a way, it has been transformative...gutting and healing, weepingly frusterating yet restorative. Its funny...when I think of the most influential teachers in my own experience to this point, I would include elements such as seasons (example: this summer), cities (example: Berlin, Prague), books, living spaces, music, yoga, strangers, intimacy, observation from afar, pen and paper, mum and dad...physical/intellectual/emotional growth. And that is just the iceburg's outer layer.
My eyes are laced in black and I feel like someone else altogether today. An older self, a me from a year or maybe even two ago. It is weird but kind of interesting. I am working with it.
Lunch at the Royal Albert Arms with my lover twin sister Madge awaits...
Until soon,
RB
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